Mixed emotions- It’s okay to feel lost sometimes, you just need to find the strength to get back onto your path!
I’m writing this as I’m on the way to the airport in Bangkok, I’m trying to hold back the tears as I’m about to leave the country I love so much.
I’m not even an emotional person but I have had a cocktail of emotions in these past few days.
My anxiety- My anxiety has been all over the place this summer. From extremely bad around exams and mocks to much better in the summer term. My anxiety was stable at the start of the holidays with work experience and time spent with friends. It has been mostly good on holiday except for when I’m around crowds at airports, around traffic or thinking about year 13. Also some rude people pushing into me in airports doesn’t help either..
My snake experiences on holiday (this also links to my anxiety). I can actually say I am petrified of snakes, I have been for as long as I can remember. Living in the uk you don’t come to contact much with snakes except in zoos but even then you can stay away from them.
Firstly, I was minding my own business in an ‘animal show’ when 2 snakes were brought up close behind me, this gave me and my anxiety the shock of our lives.
Worst of all however was when I was minding my own business near a beach and the biggest Python I have ever seen in my life was brought up behind me. A smiling Balinese man asked me if I wanted it around my neck and I had to run of I was so very scared. Also, a particularly rude man laughed at me during this experience which isn’t nice or particularly helpful…
However this is not the case abroad!
I adore Thailand but no matter how many times I go to a snake farm, I am not any less scared of snakes. I went to a snake farm on results day (I did well on my results but I am also having some remarks), this helped to take the edge of results day! I managed to stay away from snakes mostly. I stood at the back of the seats during a snake show despite my over enthusiastic sister having a python put on her neck at least 3 times.. I also found looking around the museum aspect quite interesting, even if I can’t stand the sight of living snakes!!
The end of my holiday makes me very very upset as I am going back to reality and the prospect of year 13 but all good things don’t last forever. I’m excited to see my friends, less excited to do school work but I want to be prepared for year 13. I have had such a wonderful time travelling in Bangkok, Singapore and Bali. I have met so many kind hearted locals, eaten some amazing food, seen some wonderful sun sets, put aside my worries about school and I’ve felt so much more self confident. Confidence is a journey and I still can be a shy person but I’m starting to realise that isn’t a bad thing, sometimes it’s nice to put more thought into what you say:)
School! I am happy with how I did this year. I have changed and grown so so much as a person: both in my academic capabilities, my ability in dealing with friendship troubles, as a person and with my anxiety. I have made some real progress with my anxiety, I do have some occasional tough days but you have to get through them with a pinch of salt! I found this year so very challenging and after mocks in March I felt so lost but I managed to find my way with the help of my family, some new, old friends and some wonderful teachers. I am happy with the grades I got at the end of year 12!
I’m scared for year 13 but also I am ready for school to be over! I am ready for the challenges of university and also all university has to offer!
I am also going to be doing more yoga and meditation this year to help with the stresses of a levels. If anyone wants to start it too, we can go on this journey together.
I hope everyone enjoys there last few weeks of summer!! Let me know what posts you guys want to see🌸
Sending good vibes always, Larissa xo